“I grew up like a roadside grass.” Revelations of a child who was not raised


Watching the excitement around gymnasiums, grades, points for CT, I’m slightly lost. Parents fuss, discuss news, buy a “residence permit”, at night they are on duty to get to a better teacher, they are looking for tutors and specialists in vocational guidance. They try to get out of the skin so that the child has an ideal future, as far as possible. I am a child who had nothing of the kind. I was not taught to read specially. Did not check the evaluation. Did not go with me “to act.” I was not brought up or directed, I grew up like a roadside grass. And what eventually grew?

I have no fundamental views on how to raise children. With my story, I want to show that the famous “what you sow, you’ll reap” does not always work with the child. Not always the amount of parental effort is directly proportional to the success of children. No matter how much we want it.

I was not brought up, and I myself went to a prestigious university and work on my specialty. Nobody taught me how to make money, but I know my own worth. I was not helped by parents with housing, but my husband and I bought an apartment where we build family happiness and raise a preschool child.

My parents did not give me any “start,” and I do not blame them.

A typical rural childhood

My childhood would now be called “flawed.” We lived in the village and went to the toilet on the street. Visited a regular school – first rural, then in the township.

During the summer holidays, when city children go to the sea or to the camps, I watered the garden, ran rakes, harvested hay, and chopped potatoes. Of course, I played a lot with the guys in the yard, went for a ride on the bike and played the “classics”.

We never had a cult of study in our family, not before. In the village, it was not easy to live, so I saw my mother between work and household. My father also worked, often drank, there were scandals. In general, the usual childhood is usual at the time of the village family.

My sister taught me to read at 5. I enrolled in the village library and moved all the children’s books. Already in the first class, I realized that I can do a lot – and I liked it.

I studied for myself, not for parents

I was pleased to stand out, get praise from teachers and good grades. I was inspired by new knowledge, and in the diary regularly brought the “five”.

Once I asked my mother: why does she not praise me for grades? Her answer crashed into my memory for life:

Daughter, you’re not studying for me, but for yourself. If you want to achieve something in life, learn, work hard and do not look back at me.

I do not know where such wise thoughts originated in the head of a deeply tired rural woman, but they were imprinted in memory.

And I no longer molested my parents with my diary. Signed for them herself and did not brag about the fives. But she continued to study well. For myself.

How to motivate the child to enter the university?

I do not know. I chose my specialty intuitively myself: I looked at what is best in school and compared the university with the list of exams. No one was directing or convincing me, there was no one to hope for.

She came from a village in Minsk with one bag and knew for sure that everything would work out. I was not whispered in my ear, as it is now:

If you do not go to the budget, you’ll go to a paid one.

Only the budget and only the hostel, and otherwise – home to the village.

In September I left to study – for a naked scholarship and a little help from my mother. Do you want to buy a new item? Go – earn additionally. Want to avoid distribution in the wilderness? Look for an official job, at first work for free, just to take! You want to go abroad – understand where it is better to pay! Think, twist, twist, because behind your back there are no wealthy parents who will always support and help.

And now for this – for the independence given to me – I sincerely thank my parents!


Would I want such a life for my child?

Of course not. All parents want to make the baby a straw and help as much as possible.

I really missed my parents in school matinees and meetings. I dreamed that they would come here and hear what a fine fellow I was.

I missed their attention and care. I wanted the evening belonged to us – to the children, and not to the disgusted household. I wanted more books before bed and weasel.

I was curious with my parents to go somewhere. This happened rarely and not far (lake-river, to visit relatives), but these joint trips were remembered for a long time.

This is something that must be given to your child

But I sincerely do not understand those who solve all their problems for children. He delves into the nuances of school education, communicates with teachers, searches for tutors. And calls it a beautiful word “invest”. And if the investments do not pay off – what then?

Familiar brag: we are now collecting the child for housing. Will grow up – and already there will be own apartment! Save, do not go on vacation, put off “for the future”. Will the child appreciate the new apartment? An apartment in which he did not invest a cent, not a minute of his labor?

So can, well, him – this detocentrism to gray hair? Maybe you should not waste your nerves on tutors, a joint “home” and motivation with the ruble? Maybe it’s better to think about yourself, and send the child to free swimming?

From the height of my experience, I reason this way – and efforts in the child will invest in moderation. Very moderately.

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