As soon as the child has questions, even “uncomfortable”, parents need to answer them, psychologists say. Put into a stupor may be questions that relate not only to human physiology but also ordinary things – where do the stars come from, why does the airplane leave a trace behind, why is soap slippery? We tell how to talk with a child about difficult topics.
Step one: specify what the child means
Children can not mean what they ask about, so it’s important to ask clarifying questions: “What exactly do you want to know? What do you mean?”
Psychologist: “Firstly, it will give you time to think and not react sharply (if there is a problem with this), and secondly, you will avoid information not by age, when you tell what you were not asked for. Find out three things: what exactly is the child interested in, what does he already know about the topic and why the child is now asking this question. Listen to it. “
Step two: show by examples
It is not necessary to answer the question immediately. Think, can you explain by an example, what’s what. For example, you can talk about the genitals in your heart: tell how they are called, discuss immunity, hygiene and so on. You can talk on some topics and without waiting for questions if you think that the child is ready to understand and listen to you.
You can talk about physiology even with young children. In the form of a game, the baby will learn what the human body is, what organs it serves. At the same time, there are no superfluous details in the illustrations – only that which can be told to the baby.
Step three: stop in time
Do not turn the tale into a tedious lecture. Watch the child: it’s getting boring – stop, do not try to tell everything. At one time it will not be possible to draw the whole picture. The child will learn the information better, can “digest” the reading and not get bored. Here is how the child can explain the work of the main organ: “Is the heart a muscle of size? with a fist. Your heart contracts and relaxes about 100 times a minute. The heart is something like a pump: it pumps blood from the lungs to the organs of the body and back. ”
Step four: talk on current topics constantly
Do not wait for a special occasion to talk about sexuality, the structure of man, the structure of the world. Explain to the child simply and clearly everything that he needs to know in accordance with his age.
Psychologist: “Sometimes parents experience, and suddenly these conversations will push the child to sexual experiments,” bring to mind “, stimulate” unhealthy interest. ” If you are an adequate parent, this will not happen. Studies of these fears are refuted. “
Step five: do not be afraid to admit that you do not know something
The question of the child caught unawares? You are not Wikipedia and not a robot. You are a living person, and you may not know something. Confess to the child in this and promise to return to the question when you find out everything.
To answer children’s questions, for example, the book “Tell Me Why?” Will help. In it, there are answers to the most usual, but at the same time unobvious questions for adults. Why does the store taste so delicious with buns? Why should you sleep? Why is the sky blue? What is a shadow? The explanations are written in a simple, child-friendly language, so you can read the answers right from the book.
For example, how to explain to the child why after the rain so smells fresh? “Because the air becomes clean and damp. After the rain, dust and fumes settle, which pollute the air. Wet motes, nailed to the ground by rain, do not take off right away and do not stop you from feeling other smells. In the moist air, you feel much better how the trees, grass and earth smell, than in the dry. ”
How to talk with a child about sex
One of the most uncomfortable questions is the topic of sex. Many parents prefer not to talk about it. Psychologists say that this topic should not be tabooed in the family. If we talk about sex freely and openly, a teenager will not go to friends or surf the Internet to find answers to current questions. Becoming an adult, he can openly discuss with his spouse, children, everything related to sexuality. This position formulates a healthy relationship.
Psychologist: “You give the child not only information about reproduction, but also their principles, moral principles, values. Share them, too, explain. You teach the child, for example, that it’s normal to be angry, but you can not beat people. In the same vein, one should also talk about sexual desires: to experience them normally and well, but you are responsible for your behavior, you should not go on about feelings if they are contrary to values. “
Psychologist to praise children for questions about sexuality. Then they will turn to you when something is not clear to them, and not to someone else. After all, it is important that the information that the child absorbs bears the value inherent in your family.
What you need to know about your young children about your body
It is difficult to imagine that a teenager will suddenly come to you and ask a question about the topic of sex or changes in the body if you have not previously dealt with this topic. It is better to start discussing personal issues from the age of three when the baby is already ready to perceive what he has heard. This does not mean that you need to tell how the sexual act or other frank things happen. At this age, it is important to start a friendly, open relationship between the child and parents. Start with the names of the genitals. Also, Psychologist advises to discuss:
- The concept of intimate places;
- An approximate internal arrangement of the reproductive system: that the stomach and the uterus are different things;
- What is the womb, how the woman carries the child;
- Why the mother and father are equally important for the child;
- That only child can have children and that your body belongs only to you.
Will help to open this difficult topic of the book “What’s inside me?” , About which we spoke above, and “My body: from the tops to heels. ” In both books – the game feed, easy language and just what you need to know the kids. In the book “My body: from tops to heels”. It also has fun tasks that will help to fix the material. Let’s give an example from the book, how you can tell the child where the children come from, simply, but from a scientific point of view.
“It’s hard to imagine, but you were once very small. Before you were born, you were so tiny that you could live with your mother in the tummy! To get a child, you need an egg from your mother and a sperm from your dad. When the ovum and the spermatozoon are connected, a child is obtained. “
But Psychologist tells how to build a dialogue with the child on the topic “How I appeared”: “To begin with, it is important to understand what exactly the child means. Ask a clarifying question. For example, the question “where do the children come from?” can mean literally “from where”, or “where the child was before he was born,” or “in what country the parents lived when the child was born.” And, perhaps, he is interested in the very history of birth or anything else. Here is an example of the most exciting question for adults about conception for children of 3-5 years: “To have a child in the womb, you need a man and a woman.” The man has very small spermatozoa and the woman has an ovum. It grows inside the uterus and turns from a small lump of cells into a real baby in as much as 9 months”. Most of the children are satisfied with this information. Do not long for a long conversation. Follow the child. ”
Talk about sexuality is also safety. Much more likely that an informed child will tell the parent about the abnormal behavior of an adult if this happens.
“Inconvenient questions” are inconvenient only in the consciousness of an adult. For children, it is quite natural to ask about different things. Sometimes you need to overcome your shame, fear, and the conversation will turn out on its own – warm, understandable and sincere.